Sunday, March 22, 2009
today.. i have an unexplainable desire to scream.. i also have an unexplainable desire to just let it all out and sob.. i dont understand it.. maybe i am tired.. exhausted .. five weeks of six days a week working will do that.. maybe i am tired of people fucking with me.. if you have something to say .. fucking say it.. dont allude .. dont try to make me guess.. just fucking say it..there are a couple people right now that are game players trying to drag me down.. and i usually dont get down about this but when they try to drag people in that i actually care about.. then there is a problemmaybe i am just hungry.. i get this way when i need to eat.. or maybe i am just at the brink of mental break down and i just dont even know.. perhaps tomorrow i will forget all about it .. but for today .. i am a mess.. fuck.. i have to go to work in about 2 hours so i guess i should get it all together.. for right now.. i think i am just gonna go have a shower and let it all out .. and hope the neighbors dont think some one is trying to kill me.. although i think there are people that would like to mentally crush me.. and right now.. i think they just might be winning..
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Today it was 74 degrees and gorgeous around here.. i have seen signs of spring every where.. the hyacinths are blooming by my back door.. there are buds on my lilacs.. i hear motorcycles every where.. the forsythia in my neighbors yard is blooming those wonderful yellow flowers and i can see them when i look out my kitchen wondow while doing dishes.. i moved my hammock nearer my house so i can use my laptop in the evenings while relaxing out there.. i love wireless!!! my poor plum tree in the front yard was destroyed.. well rather pushed over by the heavy winds we had a few weeks ago.. is in bloom.. it makes me sad it cant be saved..but you know it was in an odd place anyway .. and i can always plant another in the back yard or in a place that makes better sense as far as shade and placement go.. i worked out in my flower beds today and got some clean up done.. i need to make a trip to lowe's or home depot and get some mulch to spruce up the beds a little and i also need to get out in front and get the rest of the leaves that were blown against the foundation of the house in the flower beds raked out and bagged.. i need to do a bit of pruning to the apple trees and trim back a few things and move some bulbs.. i swear i am gonna move those bulbs every year and fail to do it .. well this year .. its getting done!! i am tired of weirdly placed things in my yard.. i am going to move them into some of the flower beds and into the little line that goes between my neighbors yard and mine.... i also am going to get a shade garden going under my tree in front .. i cleaned it up last year and spread some seeds but some how they didnt sprout.. that might have to do with the non watering of them LOL..i have good hopes for things this year .. i am prepared and happy to be here and ready to do some things with out any consent or decisions based on what any one else would think.. freedom is nice..that is why things around here are getting done.. cause i can do something i want with out some one coming in behind me making a face at that decision .. not going there.. really i am not..jessicas space up stairs is almost done and with that she came in and announced that she was gonna move in with a friend that was closer to school and work (from here to school is a half hour and to work is 20 minutes) and when you are busy or need to come home for something it can eat an hour of your day .. and i totally understand it.. she felt bad because i had spent so much money up there but you know what..?? it works out for me .. really it does.. i can make those two rooms into my office and my work room and actually have a spare space for sleep overs as well .. so its really ok and she is always welcome back here if something happens between the two of them.. on the motorcycle front.. i have plans for a "spring fling" in oklahoma in may... some "midwest thunder" in michigan in june and i have been been invited to florida in september to go relax by the water .. and i am sure i will find other adventures on the way.. its gonna be a nice summer i can tell already..