Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Taking That Midnight Train

only i am not going to georgia.. and the fucking train is NOT on time.. i am leaving for virginia this morning and Amtrak is SO not my friend right now.. my train was due to take off at 4.09.. i just checked status.. its not getting into the station til oh 6.30.. fuckers.. i was told it might be late.. but i didnt think it would be THIS late.. i have stayed up all night because well .. 4.09.. i would have had to get up and shower and be out the door at like 3.30 .. and i usually go to bed some where around 2.. but 6.30 isnt near 2.. i am so screwed.. i would have been thoroughly pissed .. had i actually went to sleep.. called and learned of a delay.. cause you know.. i really dont t like that interrrupted sleep thing.. oh well.. i was just really hoping Lani.. didnt have to come pick me up 100 miles out of her way .. and you can believe i am doing something superfantabulous for her to make it up .. i swear i am ..

anyway .. i havent been saying much lately.. cause well i just havent had that much to say .. i guess i should back up just a second and rephrase that.. i actually HAVE had a lot to say .. just not all for public consumption.. i have been very introspective lately.. and re-evaluating some things in my life... like the people that i talk to frequently.. and the people that visit my blog.. that dont talk to me and i know dont care for me.. i wonder what they are looking around so hard to find? just one more thing to throw out there .. and try to spin to make me look bad? you know if that is the only reason you come to my blog.. just dont ok ? cause i dont have anything else to say to people like you ..

then there are the ones i cant help but wonder if they talk to me just to get information to take back to whomever.. you know those people you arent particularly close to but some how wanna know all your business..

i guess the last week or so i have been thinking about all that.. i am usually a fairly open and forth right person .. i dont really keep secrets.. but i also realize there are parts of my life i will never talk about in this blog because those are for me and the people in those moments of my life.. i guess what i am trying to get at .. is there are people that want to judge me and talk about me .. that ONLY know me thru this blog and some posts in a forum or two here and there .. and they have no idea.. i am a complicated person with many layers and much more to offer than just words in a box every now and then..

I have been doing alot of thinking also about some people who choose to go out and cruise blogs and pass judgement on others or comment on their blogs.. but keep their personal blog pass worded or private.. seems very hypocritical to me that you "say " you have an open mind.. but you are busy hiding your entries into cyberspace while attacking others.. seems it would be only fair to subject your thoughts to the same type of behaviour you exhibit.. but .. well you dont.. cause you arent really all that open or anything.. you just want ppl to think as much ..

and censorship.. all you people out there that moderate your comments.. i mean i get the whole moderation thing..i really do .. and marvie this is NOT pointed at you ..... but when you moderate and then DONT publish all your comments .. you only publish those that agree with you and your brand of though pattern.. how closed is that.. ?? i guess i am just not getting my fellow humans much at the moment.. and thought maybe it would be best that i just didnt come out and basically bitch about all the wrongs .. and try to focus on the good.. cause you know i do have a good life..

i have love and laughter and people that support me in all the things i do on many levels.. i am busy doing alot of things right now.. working on a business plan.. getting ready to move home.. trying to get some things set for the summer and the fall .. my walk is coming i have been training hard.. i am up to 40 miles a week right now.. .. i guess the bottom line for me right now is .. i cant stand those fake people that act like they care.. and the moment you need to talk .. they dont have time for you .. you get what you give in this life.. and to be a good friend you have to give ALOT.. i guess i expect alot from my friends because i give alot as a friend.. and if i call you my friend... oh i MEAN it i dont use that word lightly really ..

at any rate.. i thought i might as well use some of my train rage and give an update.. and explain a little about where i am at the moment.. its not that i dotn enjoy blogging its just i have alot going on at the moment that is just for me .. i hope i am making some sort of sense .. it is early in the morning about the time i am jsut getting to sleep really well and off dreaming..

so anyway .. maybe i will come back from Norfolk refreshed and chatty .. one can hope .. see you all saturday .. (maybe)

*** update.. just checked status again.. not leaving here til 7.49 AM .. not getting to richmond til 12.31.. so much for "a little late sometimes " ***




posted by ThreeOliveMartini @ Wednesday, May 24, 2006  


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