Sunday, December 05, 2004

Knowing Better

Yeah yeah yeah.. here I sit.. 11.30 pm.. hyped on coffee..I guess I really should have known better than to actually brew a pot at 8.30 and drink the WHOLE thing.. the thing is .. I am so dilusional about time.. since punching a time clock hasnt been in the daily routine ....I just dont bother to keep up with it .. I supposed maybe I should keep up with the time and day so I dont say.. show up at Michael's at 11 am on Sunday thinking it should be open..because I seriously think maybe its Monday..

Have I mentioned lately how much I love pudding.. I might well be the perfect solution to the sweet tooth I have.. I just tried the Jell-o brand fat free sugar free kind.. I know you are all groaning at this.. but I had to try it.. and I have to say .. its not bad.. I usually have this thing with artificial sweetners and no fat stuff.. but seriously its not bad... I am trying to readjust my eating again since I hit this plateau .. so I started using Splenda.. which is also not a bad compromise.. and I am doing a closer watch on my fat and carb intake.. I am a carb junkie.. there is no way I could do Atkins ( well more reasons than that but I digress) ..I dont believe in cutting out one single aspect of ones diet anyway.. I try to eat right.. go to the gym etc but sometimes you just have to cut a little more.. I just want 30 more pounds.. a feasible goal by any means.. unless of course you have the metabolism of a snail like I do and could eat celery til I died and gain any rate.. more cuts in the eating.. I wont say I am on a diet because this is a total life change not just some temporary thing to get this weight off then go binge eat.. I also dont say diet because IF I want cheesecake I will have some.. I just try to make better choices for myself..

At any rate I seriously need to try to get back on some sort of sleep schedule because I also need to get back to going to the gym on some sort of regular basis..and since the classes I like are at 9.45 am seems to me the wise choice would be to go to bed early enough to get up and be half human by the time I need to go.. but staying up til 4 am is not condusive to that.. how did I get so fucked up ? wait ..I have always been like that so its really no surprise to me.. trying to get organized to me is the hardest thing ever.. I am just not wired to be on some strict schedule.. I wish I were.. life would be easier.. maybe I am afraid life would just be boring if suddenly I was some sort of organized on a schedule neat and tidy kind of person.. maybe I am scared it would take my "fly by the seat of my pants" essence away .. who the hell knows.. I can say this and truly mean it

MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE BORING.. and my friends will attest to that .. because I would like to think to some degree because I am around their lives are a little more interesting.. or maybe I am just a huge pain in the ass.. I like my reasoning better !

posted by ThreeOliveMartini @ Sunday, December 05, 2004  


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still figuring out what I want to be when I grow up...speaking of that .. do I really have to ?

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